Saturday, October 5, 2013

Some questions answered

We already know I am a verbal processor and many of you, my dear friends, have been willing to be my sounding board over these last few weeks as I sort out some thoughts. I have gotten several questions repeatedly, enough so that I feel like I could even call them a "FAQ." I thought maybe some of you would like to hear my answers to them, so here goes (if you've talked to me in the last 2 weeks this will be redundant).

1. What is going to happen in this case? Or, what are you going into this for?
We don't know, and we will never know until after it actually happens. :) It is foster-adoption, and we could be called to either/both. Our commitment right now is to be whatever this sweet girl needs as long as she needs it. From a few days to a lifetime, we want to be here for her. We will also try to be realistic with our expectations and know anything can happen at any time.

The truth is we don't know much yet.
2. Won't that be hard for you if she leaves?
Short answer: Yes, I expect to be heartbroken. Sometimes when people ask this I wonder if they think I have a special gift of taking care of babies like my own without really falling in love with them (not friends, but like my dentist. When friends ask I know they are just worried about me getting my heart broken, and that just means you care about me). We've only known of this sweet girl for a week and a few days (but we've gotten to visit every day!) and I'm already very invested.

Long answer: To be quite frank, my heart broke almost 5 years ago when my parents died. The best way I have found to explain it is like a part of my heart was amputated. Like someone whose leg was amputated (I imagine), it's really really horrible in the beginning but then you get more and more used to living and loving without that part of your heart (although some days you do just really, really wish for that part of your heart back). There is healing for sure, and I'm so grateful for the healing that God has worked in me. But truly, I have given up on any expectation on entering Heaven with a whole heart. It is already deeply scarred, and I expect it will get a few more before I go home. But I'm ok with that.

Additionally, I know that I have all the resources I need to heal. God has been faithful to me, I have my family and our church. These littles need someone to give them the best of themselves (I stole this one from a wise foster-mama friend, but she was right).

Last thought on this: people are treasures, and relationships are treasures. Just because you don't know how long you will be blessed with someone in your life doesn't mean you shouldn't invest in them. And boy, is it ever easy to love a sweet newborn. [For why I would drag my kids along with me, see the post previous to this one].

3. How do you think it will be to have 4 kids?

Awesome. I have the best kids in the world though, and a sweet husband who is just as excited as the rest of us to have a baby to cuddle. We are all in this together, and I think we're going to love it. Four car seats, though--not such a fan.

Some things I've been amazed by these last 2 weeks:
1. How God has worked out many little details even before they are a problem. I love seeing it. I don't know where this will go, but I love seeing Him care for us in large and small ways on the journey.

2. The kindness of my dear friends--from those of you who listen to me talk, or who send me kind words, to those of you who watch my kids so we can visit sweet girl (hi Aunt Nancy and Aunt Tammy!) or brave Michelle who took on all 3 kids for 9 hours today so we could squeeze in our mandatory training hours, I am so blessed to be surrounded by amazing people.

3. The interesting conversations we've had with people. We've interacted with way more strangers in the last few weeks than we would normally see in a year (not really, but it feels like it). But they all have good questions, and we're working on having good answers. :) It is a different platform than I ever expected to have--we just hope to be faithful.

I'm always happy to answer questions! I know you guys love us and ask in love so I don't get easily offended. Thanks for listening, and thanks for praying! You all make our burdens lighter!